How To Kill That Obsessive And Damaging Beast Called Jealousy
Les came to me a couple of months ago, terrified that his partner was having an affair. They'd been having problems, and she was spending more and more time out of the house, apparently out with friends.
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Les did not believe her for a second, and spent s time stewing at home, dialing her cell number, and on more than one occasion, cruising around to see if he could see her out and about.
When she came home, she'd be given a relentless grilling, and with time she shut him down entirely. Communication dried up, and the relationship was, it appeared, all but over.
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He looked dreadful: tried, overwrought and overweight. His skin color was bad, his breath was awful, and he displayed all the classic signs of a guy who was being eaten up, internally.
Nobody wants a jealous partner and nobody likes being jealous. So how come so many people are?
In my experience there are several reasons, but the main cause is a breakdown in communication, and this usually occurs for one of two reasons:
Something is different, and for some reason you do not feel able to communicate openly and honestly anymore.
Or perhaps one or both dating partners are manipulating their power by withholding info out of anger, hurt or even just plain thoughtlessness.
Both situations create communication "black-holes" which are then quickly filled with fear, fury and fantasy.
When you are jealous you assume the worst. So how do you handle these awful feelings of jealousy? How do you deal with a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend who's jealous?
Initially if you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and ask questions. Open up the lines once more. Do not be aggressive, defensive, confrontational or prickly.
You're single yet again, a long romance down the drain. Now you are eager to get back into the dating game; you're human, and for this reason you might have a tendency to bring your emotional baggage into new relationships.
Second, and just as important, you have to stop looking thirsty for reassurance. How on earth can she respect you, when you do not respect yourself enough to control your fears and paranoia?
Thirdly, you have to remind yourself why you are together in the first place, and realize that a relationship is only worth keeping alive when you can trust each other. If that trust is lost forever, then maybe it's time to move on.
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Don't forget, jealousy is demeaning and humiliating. It's a sign of weakness and fear. In the end the fastest way to kill the monster has nothing to do with your partner, and everything to do with you.
Perhaps you might want to take a break from being a relationship to check in with yourself and build up your confidence. Reconnect with the world and find out how to pick up women and chat with women. The quick and easy way to pick up a woman is to use dating advice on the internet.
For men that are in long-distance romances with Filipino women, the most nagging issue possibly would be this: Are Filipino women capable of being devoted and true to their men?
Whenever you have terrific self-esteem, jealousy has no choice but to pack it's bags, and leave town!
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